She had driven for over forty minutes to reach the spot where we had planned to meet for the interview. She was already there when we reached the place and acknowledged us with a warm smile. She never stopped smiling since then.
The Star of this International Women’s Day is Mrs.Vani, mother of Ms.Preksha- one among the five autistic employees of SAP Labs, Bangalore. What does it take to bring up an autistic child and to groom her to live a normal, infact a successful life?
First reactions when you knew Preksha was diagnosed with autism:
We were living in the U.S. The doctors kept telling us that she was just being hyper-active. Preksha was four years old when sh
e was diagnosed and we returned to India. Initially, I could not accept it. But the words by my husband lingered with me, giving me courage. He said, “We have so much love in our house. But God cannot come and stay with us. So He has decided to send an angel instead. She will be the bond between us.”
And she smiled. She smiled with passion.
Bringing up Preksha:
My husband and I worked full time, but we always made sure the weekends were spent with her completely. Rest of the days she would go to school. She was a hyper-active kid in new situations but to train her to overgrow it we used to take her to everywhere. At times, the moment we would realize she is not comfortable, all three of us would walk out. We took her to the coziest of the restaurants, so that she gets exposed to a tranquil environment. This has immensely helped her in this corporate atmosphere as well.
She went to a regular school till the age of eight and then we realized that she could not cope with the regular syllabus. We decided not to pressurize her. We observed that she was very good with gadgets since childhood. She is sharp when it comes to memory games and puzzle solving and has a passion for music and loves horse riding. These were her strengths. Not being able to express herself and not being able to initiate a conversation are her main weaknesses. Handling her in each situation was very challenging. The same rule would not apply to two different situations in her case.
Each day with her is a new experiment and a new experience for me. I am always on the look-out to see where she might show some potential that I can work on. As a parent, we had to be creative. If she makes a mistake, I can’t tell her, “It’s a mistake!” I have to be patient and ask her, “Oh, was it done like this? I think ‘WE’ could have done it better. Can ‘WE’ do it this way?”
She is a very co-operative child.
And she smiled. She smiled with vitalization.
My husband was like a snake-charmer to a snake. He was very influential in bringing her up. Three years back, he passed away. She did not come out of this trauma for nearly 8-9 months. It took me quite a while to pull her out of it.
As a mother, what sacrifices did you have to make?
I wouldn’t call them sacrifices.
Working woman, but mother first.
I worked with the SBI. I intentionally chose branches that were closer to our house so that my commuting time would be reduced and by doing this, I would be able to spend quality time with her. I never went out with my office friends. I was always waiting to get back home and be with my daughter. I never took promotions. Preksha was always the priority. My mother was very helpful and she would take care of Preksha when I was not around. Now, I’ve quit my job and wait for my daughter to come back from work!
What keeps you going?
Her divine smile keeps me going. Whenever I am a little down and I look at her, I get pepped up, I am recharged!
The day I will be gone forever, she will have to handle things on her own. If she doesn’t learnt to handle certain things in my presence, how will she face them later?
And she smiled. She smiled as a woman on a mission.
The indifferent society that Preksha had to grow up in:
When she was in a crowd, people just say a ‘hi’ and refrained from talking to her. She then would feel she is different from the people but would not talk or express her displeasure. When people saw her hyper-active behavior, they would start advising us, as parents, on how we have not brought up the child well and that we have pampered her too much. What they don’t realize is that she has a difficulty. Our society needs to be educated in this regard.
And she smiled. She smiled with compassion.
What’s your part in creating this awareness?
I have started this foundation called the Peacock foundation with a friend of mine. It is still in its planning phase and we’re on the look-out for office space. This foundation will not be a place for parents to leave their kids and let them grow. It will be a parent empowerment program where the parents first learn to understand their kids and watch them take their baby steps. It will be a place where parents, along with the kids learn, enjoy and grow together. I believe that it is important for parents to spend quality time with their children.
And she smiled. She smiled as a woman with a vision.
How does it feel to see Preksha where she is today?
I never expected to see Preksha working for an IT company. Had we kept her secluded inside the house, she wouldn’t be where she is now. For all the efforts that we put in during the initial days, we are now seeing the results in a macro level.
After her dad passed away, it took us a lot of courage to come out of that trauma. That’s when I decided to take her to the iPAD workshop conducted by SAP for children like her. She loved the workshop. Today, she is one among the five autistic individuals working with SAP and the only girl as well.
For the first one month, I would go with her to the office, sit with her, monitor how she worked and helped her if needed.
I had never let her go out of my sight since childhood. But today, she stays nearly twelve hours away from me and she manages it really well.
And she smiled. She smiled with a sense of pride.
Ideals: Ideas: India
We live in a fast world. People are engrossed in their own things. But we need to take some time out and be empathetic to the world around. What do you call it, ‘Jadu ki chappi’ (Literally translated to ‘the magical hug’) right? People need it. A warm smile, a small ‘hello’ will do the trick. These little positive strokes and vibes can work wonders.
Parents need to spend time with their children, spouses need to spend time with each other.
We, as normal human beings have learnt to cover up our weakness. These kids don’t know how to hide it and that’s why they are branded as autistic. But all of us have our own weakness and there is no denying that. What matters is how we concentrate on our strengths, how we tap the potential within us!
Preksha has an amazing memory power and SAP is making her realize her potential to the fullest.
A special mom-daughter moment for the KYS readers:
One day, when she was at work, I tried calling her up as usual. She didn’t answer my call. When she got back home, I told her, “You didn’t take my call from office. I was worried!” She put her hands over me and said, “Don’t worry Amma. I have very good friends in office.”
That was the first time she had asked me not to worry about her. I was touched. I was touched to know that my daughter understands the meaning of her mother being worried for her.
And she smiled. This time, with a sense of satisfaction.
We allowed it to sink in. We were done with the interview.
All we could do at that moment was smile out our thanks.
Mrs.Vani decided to treat us for lunch where she showed us pictures of her family; her Preksha and her husband. She spent all the time telling us how co-operative her daughter is, how supportive her husband was and how helpful her mom was in bringing up Preksha. She spoke very little about herself and more about how people around her made it easier for her. That to us, is the dazzling woman we met, the woman whose hope never flickered, the woman whose light grew brighter each day, the woman who is willing to burn herself to illuminate the world around her.
They say women make up half of the world’s population. Two-third of the world’s working hours is contributed by women. I’m not sure how many of these hours have been contributed by Preksha and her mum, but I do surely know that together they have dared to go against the wind each day and weathered all elements to add up to those hours.
Truly, life is lived on tiny achievements that give you undiminished satisfaction.
On this day, we at KnowYourStar are celebrating such women- the tender mother who bleeds and stretches to make room for you, the chaste and duteous wife who sets up the dinner table after cleaning up her office desk, the grateful daughter who lets her parents relive their childhood in their old age, the ever-dependable comrade to her siblings who is always all ears to listen and the concerned citizen who lives the change she wants to see in the world.
(Autism is a developmental disorder that appears in the first 3 years of life, and affects the brain’s normal development of social and communication skills. This article aims to serve two purpose- 1.Celebrating the valour and incredible strength of a mother and 2. Awareness of Autism in general public. Kindly share and be the part of this unique endeavour)