This week, Sreepriya Menon discusses the all-important, but rarely-addressed problem in the form of reproductive health in India. In a country obsessed with “completing families” by birthing babies, what does a young couple go through when they face reproductive problems?
#TheDiaryOfASocialWorker – 10
How many times have you as an individual thought about your reproductive capacities? This question goes out to everyone irrespective of your gender. A recent interaction with two women changed my whole understanding of parenting and birthing; the two are very different things, mind you!
Both couples that I met had difficulty in conception, and both had amazing, supportive and understanding partners. But both women had to undergo seriously painful and humiliating procedures despite being able to afford the best care in the world.
Conception is a highly demanded economic commodity, however what bothered me was how much women’s bodies are scrutinized, controlled, medicated and in short, taken for granted. Even by themselves!
Women I worked with on the field, who cannot afford the best for themselves, still battle for the power to make decisions for their own body. Risky abortive procedures, infections, miscarriages due to early pregnancies, too many children, poverty, abusive husbands, substance use to deal with mental health concerns – these are the everyday realities of most Indian men and women. Their stories do not have much words, but have many marks on the body.
It is a failure on the part of our government hospitals. There is a need for sensitization of our medical and paramedical staff, as well as the bureaucrats to be able to give them adequate services, counseling, and let them take the decisions as well.
The Silence In The Living Room
Yes, we have the great power of giving birth. It’s true that a living being taking birth from our bodies is natural and miraculous, but at what stakes? I’ve seen their partners struggling to meet the expectations of everyone in the family, but when this matter is touched, a prickly sort of silence envelops the room.
Trying other options, stop trying to conceive for a while, or stop getting invasive and expensive procedures done, become questions about the personal motivation and intention of women wanting to be a mother.
Both partners’ mental health is affected. Communication, care, and respect in the relationship often get strained when conceiving is concerned because no matter what brought these individuals together, a family is an institution in our culture which will govern the rules and norms of your life. And the family wants a baby!
Solutions Are Not Easy, They Are A Process
So what are these women I spoke to doing about their family planning? Both of them being incredibly strong and independent, caring and healthy individuals, have found a path for themselves.
One of them has adopted a beautiful boy who is accepted and well taken care of now in the family. The second friend has now decided not to compromise her health by taking some time off from all the procedures to discuss with her partner about how much it was affecting her.
Anxiety of whether the procedure will work, feeling low thinking about whether you are inferior in any way, feeling the pressure to conform to the norms of a natural mother and proving your maternal instincts – these are unspoken things in the air of every newly-wed’s family atmosphere. It may or may not be spoken about considering how appropriate it is perceived as. But the elders and the young adults can begin moving towards a better understanding of their own loved ones for the sake of their health.
Parenting Beyond Birthing
Challenging all these conceptions are couples who are gay, lesbian, transgendered and of any other spectrum of sexuality. They also have families and they choose to have children if they want to. It goes a long way to show that to love and provide care for a child, you don’t need to give birth to them.
Your legacy of who you are and what you want to pass on does not have to be limited by blood. Secondly, children are also active organic and dynamic individuals. They are after all tiny humans! Instead of stuffing them with everything you believe in, we need to engage with them, learn from them, because they see the world for what it is, and how people behave is the first step of seeing that.
Children of persons from different sexual orientations, persons with disabilities, and other diverse backgrounds have an opportunity and an advantage to see the world through eyes which are not judgmental, which need not be presumptive about what you have to do to be loved. Therefore they will not care for other human beings based on conditions or norms created by previous generations. Given today’s situations of technology and diversity, and a strong understanding of health and rights, it is an opportunity for all of us to introspect and choose to love more and care more about people around us.