How does gender affect mental health? In this week’s Diary Of A Social Worker, Sreepriya Menon shares her personal experiences and observations about gender stereotypes, norms, and struggles faced by both men and women in Indian society.
#TheDiaryOfASocialWorker – 7
My mother specifically wanted me to write about how I arrived in this world. It is not very flattering to me, but it makes for an interesting story. Apparently, when I was born the man who delivered the news to my father was quite anxious because he didn’t want to be the one to tell him that it was a girl.
My father, who was thrilled about having a daughter, handed him a 100 rupee note. Immediately, the man went running to my mother to reassure her, “Madam, ghabraiye mat, sahib bohot khush hain dekhiye mujhe sau rupaiye diye hain!” He wanted her to know that she would be safe and that her husband was not angry with her for giving birth to a girl.
Setting The Rules
In conventional families, the rules are unspoken for women and very explicit for men. Here begins the social development of a woman. Women are told to look out for the needs and desires of men. Mothers spend their time preoccupied with their sons, just like they once worried about their husbands. Why am I focusing on these matters? After all, they’re already widely known. It’s for one simple reason – invisibility.
A person’s identity and expression of self is massively influenced by gender. Your confidence, talent, intelligence, social skills and physical strength are assumed to be innate qualities when they are also decided by gender-related factors.
If you are told to speak quietly for the first sixteen years of your life, you are not going to suddenly speak up confidently in a room full of men when the opportunity is given to you. If your life goals are planned by your family in accordance with your role as a nurturer and protector in a household, you may not be excited by the idea of trying out a Spanish class or learning to work with computers.
Gender In The Workplace
In our country, men and women are bound by rigid gender roles. Men are told not to talk to women until a certain age, and not to act like one because that would be an insult to ‘manliness’. They are told not to cry, talk about their issues, and to find greatness or die trying. The same rules don’t apply to women, in fact, it’s quite the opposite.
Research has shown us that if you make a list of all the qualities a great leader is supposed to have, and compare it with all the qualities a ‘great woman’ is supposed to have, you’ll find that they rarely overlap. Why? Because leadership is considered a masculine task.
Does Your Gender Affect Your Mental Health?
There is some research that shows that men have been diagnosed with more externalising disorders like aggression or disrupting activities, outbursts of emotion, stress, psychosis, etc. Women have been diagnosed with more internalising disorders like depression, anxiety, somatoform, emotionally unstable personalities, etc.
The way I see it, men are struggling to express their so-called ‘feminine’ sides, and women are struggling to control their ‘masculine’ traits. This might sound like a controversial interpretation, but it does summarise the problem.
You can argue that things are changing in the urban context with more women entering public spaces. Surely that’s an improvement? Yes, but ask women how honestly they express themselves in the company of men, especially at work. Compared to women, how many men feel secure enough to talk about the challenges they face at work? How do both genders tackle criticism, discussion, feedback, leadership opportunities, sharing of resources, setbacks, rejection, stress, deadlines, performance anxiety, goal setting, decision making, and sharing of responsibility? Very differently it turns out.
Gender, Health, And Happiness In Rural India
As soon as you step out of the urban context, it becomes clear that things on the rural front are quite different. We are still trying to find solutions to the disintegrating village lifestyle where agriculture is a deteriorating profession, primary education is lacking, and where the goal for women is to find food and get married. Her labour is more important to prospective families than her gender – until it’s time to have children.
There is an increasing presence of alcohol and violence in communal areas, and the belief that people in the cities are hoarding the wealth. Debt, suicide, starvation and other such burdens are still the stark reality for men and women all across India.
For these people, gender and mental health are not even topics of discussion, but still end up governing their lives. How many children a woman has is not her choice and the amount of food she gets to eat is determined by the number of working men and children in the family. Education does not mean empowerment in terms of freedom of thought or expression, but it does give her the power to understand the world of men.
I’m not saying that these women are not happy, however, the meaning of happiness and health is vastly different. When I asked some women I had met at a hospital in Delhi about their understanding of mental health, they all had similar goals, the gist of which were, “I want to be able to work and take care of my family”.
None of them, not a single person, spoke about peace, satisfaction or the ability to think because their ideas of a fully functioning self were integrated completely into their role in the family. Widows, women from ‘lower’ castes, and women without access to education have far less say in their health than their more cosmopolitan counterparts.
Expanding Our Social And Cultural Horizons
What I have been trying to say through this article is that cultures and social norms about gender have a huge influence on health. The terms of gender equality are different in urban and rural contexts. The visible impact of gender on health is very little, and not all men and women are able to give voice to their emotional needs.
Alternate sexualities, sexual disabilities, and women’s sexualities exist across the country but are kept hidden, shrouded in conventional societal norms. These suppressed emotions of people from all genders find breathing space in songs, occasional violence, places of worship, and sometimes in mental hospitals.
How many people have the support that is required for their mental health? How many have fathers and mothers who treat their children equally in all matters? How many children have been given a gender sensitive education? How many people have non-judgmental bosses or leaders? How many are empowered enough to argue for their rights in any context? Are we prepared to see people as people and not colour impressions with assumptions based on gender?
Liked reading this? Then you might also like Expressing Emotions – Why It’s Important For Your Mental Health.
If there’s any story that needs to be told, we will tell it. Write to us at contact@knowyourstar.com with your story lead, or contact us on Facebook or Twitter.